All I want for Christmas is a great pair of spanx

Things Santa and I have in common? A bulging belly, an obsession with Christmas festivities and of course, cookies. A cup of hot coco weighed down with a fist full of marshmallows would be the cherry on top of that perfect picture (lactose free milk though, because for some reason your stomach and back are against you in your 30s).

I blame it on my daddy issues

Google ‘what are daddy issues?’. An array of nonintellectual urban definitions pop-up, ranging from younger women chasing older men or a selection of inapt suitors, seeking mistreatment, to being heavy alcohol indulgers. One particularly infuriating example I found was ‘how to use daddy issues in a sentence’:
Guy one: “Bro, she sent nudes after 10 minutes of talking! Score!”.
Guy two: It’s the daddy issues…. #easy #nodad #father